Support Your Friends Like You Support Beyoncé

When Beyoncé dropped her maternity shot on Instagram last week I scrolled down my timeline seeing that same tired photo the entire day. It was beautiful, but got me thinking: some of us won’t even repost a flyer supporting our own friends’ endeavors.

One of the biggest things I noticed in my 20s is Black people do not support each other like other cultures. For instance, we do not support one another’s businesses without trying to swindle a discount, or when we are in a position to help we would rather help someone else because hiring another Black woman becomes a competition. Not to mention, all the mess we talk about the emotionally unstable half-naked frenemy on Instagram but don’t take the time to mentor her.

Why?

The truth is, I do not know why nor do I understand it but I wanted to call it out and evoke some kind of change.

When one of my best friends launched her clothing line I was the first one signing up for a pre-order and posing in my selfies on Instagram and posting them, even if it is to my mere 700 followers. I supported her because she always supported me. I knew she would be successful but her success was conducive to the support of family and friends. And no, just because you are supporting your friend does not automatically mean discount, this isn’t State Farm!

Asking for a discount isn’t cool when someone is trying to launch their business, they have expenses too. If they gave all of their friends a discount where would that financially leave their business? I’ll tell you where, right where they started – at the beginning.

This is why I never asked for a discount and you shouldn’t either. You are willing to spend a $100 on boss babes Draya or Heather Saunders self-started businesses, so why not invest in your friends the same way.

We should invest in one another not just in entrepreneurial endeavors but also in Corporate America. We have to stick together, especially the young professionals entering the workforce. Black women in particular have to stop looking at other black women as competition but instead as an ally. If you work for a business and you know another young woman (or man) trying to position themselves for success why not be that lending hand –mentor them and set them up for success in an industry that is already set up against us. We complain about equal rights and opportunity but rob one another of this very thing. That’s not to say help everyone you encounter, there are some people I wouldn’t stamp my favorite color on, let alone my name.

And to those people you don’t necessarily want to be associated with, at the very least don’t talk about them. Though they may be three much, take a moment to realize that we used to be that same person until someone came along and helped us either directly or indirectly. We all are at different chapters in our story but that doesn’t mean you didn’t begin on the same page. Take a step back to see how you can positively influence that young man or woman.

I have someone I see major potential in so my goal for this Black History month is to invest in her growth and support her like someone did for me.

–Melissa

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Before You Give Up on Your New Year’s Resolution…

How many times have you grumpily hauled your ass to an event that you really weren’t feeling that day simply because you already paid for the ticket or bought an outfit? Well, imagine if every time you ate a greasy fast food burger instead of a salad your account balance dropped $10? Didn’t go to the gym – another $20 gone. Pissing you off already?

We’re headed into the second month of the year, and I can bet half of us have already fallen off the new year’s resolution bandwagon. Remember, you were supposed to be hitting the gym, eating better, procrastinating less and saving more? According to Statistic Brain only about 38% of 20-somethings achieve their new year’s resolutions. And as you’ve probably guessed, the older we get, the less likely we are to continue to set and achieve new goals. So now is the time to turn your resolutions into realities and habits. Here are some tips to stay on track or get back on it.

1. Write it down – There’s definitely power in the pen. Writing down your goals not only helps you remember them but also puts them into a solid plan versus them simply being an idea or wish. Remember: “The difference between a wish and a goal is a plan.”
2. Enlist a partner – They say “two is better than one”, and it’s especially true when it comes to a new journey. If you’re struggling to hold yourself accountable when you don’t meet your goals, it’ll help if there’s someone else there to push you. Not to mention the guilt you’ll feel if you bail on your workout partner three times in row.
3. Set stretch goals – If you’re anything like me, stretch goals will be your best friend and probably the only way you’ll ever hit some of your goals. For example, if your goal is to save at least $100 a week, mentally set $150 as your stretch goal, that way if you ultimately end up saving $130 you’ll have surpassed your real goal AND will begin to set higher goals in the future as you’ll see they are actually attainable.
4. Set reminders – It’s not hard to forget to do something when it’s not a habit. Setting reminders are an easy fix. I have three alarms just to wake me up every morning so you can bet I have reminders to pull out my yoga mat at least three times a week.
5. Get an app – There’s an app for damn near everything these days and luckily for those of us with “saving” on our resolution list, most are free. Apps allow you to document and track your goals and progress, connect with others who have similar goals, alter your goals, and receive reminders, all at your fingertips. Oh, and if you need that extra monetary motivation –  there’s an app (or 30) for that too. Try GoFuckingDoIt which has been featured in Wired and LifeHacker.

These tips can be applied to all types of goals so try them all, see which ones work for you, and most of all – go fucking do it!

–Minnie

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How I Learned Doing Things Alone Isn’t So Bad

I was making my yearlong quest from Rochester to Houston on the train when I randomly booked my first solo trip without any hesitation. I was scared but exhilarated and finally understood why God sent me to Houston.

Since my move down south I’ve been seeking clarity on what is my purpose in Houston. I’ve been here about seven months and I still haven’t made a solid group of friends. I just didn’t fit in here and often felt I was too different from everyone. Whenever I went out my boisterous attitude would always startle the “southern gentlemen” and my friends would counter their reaction by saying, “she’s from New York.”

I hated that.

So I stopped going out.

I began to isolate myself and I slowly turned into a homebody. I focused on my course work and actual work and that was it. When people would invite me out I declined generally. My idea of fun wasn’t the club or a bar every weekend or gallivanting around the mall. I liked to go paint balling, to sporting events, ice skating, posing with the statues at a museum and enjoying boozy brunches.

But I didn’t like to do those things alone – I suppose I was afraid. Afraid of what I would do with my hands when I waited for my food to arrive or how I would feel at the bar when everyone high-fived their friends during a game. The idea of being uncomfortable made me … uncomfortable.

I know everyone says nothing grows from comfort zones, but screw that shit. Some things required a group of friends to enjoy.

About five months in to my move I was still in the same situation and I wanted nothing more than to run back to New York.

So I did for about two weeks.

I began praying to God to divulge my true purpose in Houston. It wasn’t until I ironically felt bogged down by the energy of my surroundings and just being in New York that I had an epiphany. I finally realized why God sent me to Houston.

I figured out my purpose.

I had to learn to focus on me, be selfish with me, but most importantly learn how to be independent. I had spent six months in a city prejudging it because I was alone, the people were not like me, my lifestyle didn’t align with most others, but honestly so what. This is literally the story of my life no matter my physical location. But now I wanted to be in charge of how it played out. 

 

There is a growing club of us who let the fear of the unknown or being alone deter us from our potential.  And no I don’t mean living alone, going to a new university without friends or being alone when you don’t want to be bothered, but literally alone and I was the president of this club.

But not anymore – when I was back at home I saw so many of my friends still trying to put their young lives together, move out of their parents houses, find work, or put a start to their careers and I realized I was blessed beyond belief—I’ve conquered those things and elevated that self-discovery while in Houston.

So when I finally arrived back in Houston the first thing I did was smile when I walked into my apartment. I sat on my couch, opened up my laptop booked solo yoga classes, signed up for swimming lessons and hey I am even taking a stab at getting my license again because sometimes you are in it alone and that’s ok. 

Saving Money Used To Be Foreign To Me

Someone really close to me got sick and I didn’t have the money to fly home right away to see him. It all but crushed me but also gave me a hard realization. I need to start saving money. Not just saving money to go on trips or for that expensive material thing I wanted, but literally save money. Money for those rainy days, because when it rains it pours.

I have a handful of friends who know the importance of saving and investing their money and the other half is blowing money fast. But I’m not judging them because late last year that was me too. I’d rather invest my $500 on an epic NYE party instead of saving the money. I think I thought I was kind of invincible or I would make a way. I made a way every other time in my life so finding the money to make ends meet would be the same. Except this time it wasn’t and I felt I let my favorite person in the world down.

That same night I created a six-month financial plan. I knew my wages for every month so it was easy for me to make a plan to allocate my money. I created a budget where I could pay my rent bills, implement travel plans, still shop (just not as much), and save! I have goals of saving 10k by the end of the year – to just save. Though I set a  goal of saving every year, I never connected a number with it but now that I have in in many ways for more serious and obtainable.

I also downloaded to the application Qapital. Qapital is a third party application allows you to create several “saving accounts” where you can label what each account is for. I created a medical account, a life account, a traveling account and an shopping account. The app is free and at anytime if you need quick access to your money transferring is free and almost immediate.

I also downloaded the application Mint to see where all my money was going. As we know, life events come up but if you can control, limit or recognize where your money is going you’ll feel better. If I was spending $50 over budget on food then I will be cognizant next month to cook more.

I became more self aware too. I have this thing where if I paid all my bills for the month I would treat myself—but turns out I was treating myself too much. Treating myself for things that are expected of an adult. So I implemented in my budget that I would only treat myself if I met my savings goal for the month. That’s a real accomplishment I am very much still working toward.

Happy saving Skimps

–Melissa

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10 Winter Fashion Essentials for 20Somethings

Our twenties are more than a decade of personal change and growth – it’s the time we find out who we really are and learn to show others that as well. And what better way to express ourselves than through fashion!

Whether you realize it or not, fashion speaks to others you encounter before you can even open your mouth or bat an eyelash. So to make sure you’re always on the upside of the style spectrum, we’ve created a seasonal post for closet must-haves. Here are our winter picks:

1. Favorite jeans – You know, the ones that go with any outfit because they fit perfectly? Yes, those! Not so tight you can barely get them on or so loose that they wouldn’t look nice with a cute, silk blouse. When you try them on ask, can I wear these in the office, the bar, to dinner? If the answer is ‘yes’ to all, then that’s your pair.
   

   via NAWO

   

   via NAWO

   

   via NAWO
2. Booties – Ankle boots, that is. I’m sure we’d all love the perfect ass but let’s not get distracted here. We fall in love with ankle boots year after year because they’re really the perfect median. Just like your favorite jeans they’re versatile, so can be dressed up or down to fit the occasion.
   

   source: unknown

   

   via Nordstrom.com
3. Statement coat – For those in cold weather states, a good coat is a necessity but a nice statement coat should also be on your list. You don’t really want to wear that huge bubble jacket to a professional party or networking event, or even on a casual night out regardless of what they told you during fashion week.
   

   via Kelaskloset.com

   

   via Pinterest.com
4. Midi dress – Midi dresses are stylish, fun and multifaceted. Plus there are so many to choose from! Pair it with your booties and statement coat and you easily have a day-to-night outfit.
   

   via Black Girls Killing It

5. Sweater – I admit, I used to hate when I had to wear sweaters as a kid but now I see grown-up sweaters are so much better. Similar to the midi dress, sweaters can be comfy, corporate or even sexy, depending on the style you choose and how you rock it.
   

   via FashionedChic.com

   

   via GushGirl.com
6. Faux Fur – Strictly for the winter! Now that we have that cleared up – in the interim, buy up those faux fur coats, hats, headbands and stoles. We all deserve to be a little bad and boujee!
   

   via @amirah.richelle Instagram

   

   via @retrocitysunglasses Instagram
7. Tights – Especially fishnet tights. I have seen this trend pop up on my timeline and it’s the perfect for people in warmer winter climates that still like to wear their ankle grazer jeans or distressed denim. Adding this simple accessory can take your summer look to fall/winter.
   

   via @fashion_black_and_white Instagram

8. Sweat suits – now I know what you’re thinking – Absolutely not. But absolutely yes. Pair a cute two-piece sweatsuit with a statement choker and a long chain and your favorite pair of Stan Smiths, Yeezys or yes, Timbs (Hold the New Yorker jokes).
   

   via @retrocitysunglasses Instagram

   

   via @milliondollarbri Instagram
9. Chokers were the rave in the summer and they still are the wave. Why do we love chokers? Well since it’s about to be 2017 and the youngest 90s baby is 18 years old – we could just be trying to hold on to our youth. Or we realized how bomb an oversized t-shirt looks with a rhinestone band choker. Complete outfit contrast but overall stylin’.
   

   via @fabfashionkillas Instagram

10. Velvet anything! – Now if you were lucky to cop a pair of the Velvet Creepers this December I envy you, but then I found some burgundy velvet thigh high boots! Life made. Velvet is not only trendy for the Holiday season, but the texture automatically upgrades an outfit. Take a peak.
    

    via @kourtneykardash Instagram

    

    via @ldnfashiontrends Instagram

    What’s your favorite must-have winter piece? Tell us in the comments or on our Twitter!

                                     

Surviving Cuffing Season While You’re Single

For those of us who have decided to skip out on tryouts or just didn’t make the cuffing season roster – we got a nice, long winter ahead of us. Lucky for me, my winter won’t be quite as cold as some of my northern buddies, yet Netflix and chill still gets lonely after you’ve binge-watched all seasons of your favorite shows…twice.

Alright, now y’all probably thinking about my recent post on how I’m enjoying being single and all and I am– HOWEVER – just because I like where I am currently doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes miss the perks. When the dark of night hits around 5:45 and soaking myself in sunshine and sand at the beach starts to lose its luster, that’s when I start to reconsider cuddling on the couch watching whatever he wants just to enjoy his presence.

But since this isn’t my first go-round of spending cuffing season solo, I’ve pretty much mastered survival and don’t mind sharing my secrets with you all. So here goes:

First step to surviving cuffing season as a solo artist is to remind yourself why you skipped out on tryouts in the first place. You’re enjoying the freedom of being single, you’re using this time to connect with yourself, etc. So the key is to stay focused on YOU – that’s what you wanted to do in the first place right? Don’t get swept up and distracted by those cute posts of all those “relationship goals” couples on Instagram because for one all that glitters ain’t gold, and secondly, they might not make it past Spring Break (sips tea). But on a more serious and positive note, when you do decide to be in a relationship don’t let it be because you want what someone else has.

After you’ve reminded yourself why you chose to remain single, then it’s time to really act on your decision. For instance, if you’re using this time to “find” yourself, then hop to it. Treat yourself to that restaurant you always wanted to try, splurge on that pair of shoes you’ve been wanting, soak in a bubble bath with a good book. You have all this time to really do what YOU want instead of compromising. Not to mention relationships can be draining at times, so just being able to relax alone without feeling like you’re being selfish is a definitely a perk.

Lastly, this is not only a  great time to reconnect with yourself but also with those you’ve unintentionally lost touch with or that you just never had the chance to connect with in the first place. I’m referring to platonic friendships and even networking opportunities. Romantic relationships can sometimes be a distraction, especially for people in their twenties. We already have so much going on and dating can throw us off our game more so in the early googly-eyed stage of a relationship.

Bottom line – don’t curse yourself for being single during cuffing season, cuff yourself.

–Minnie

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Political Party

I have not watched a single debate.

Most people will judge me and ask how am I an informed voter or what else could’ve possibly been so important that I missed a debate that will shape my life over the next four years. And I simply reply, football.

I lost all hope in engaging in politics after the 2004 election between George Bush and Al Gore. I was only 11 at the time but I followed politics pretty closely. Largely due to my social studies teacher who made our daily homework to write reviews on the candidates. He wanted to make sure we understood how blessed we were to live in a country governed by a democracy. Then the election ended with the biggest political doozy in my little life. It was then that I realized it was a blessing yes, but one with loopholes. People didn’t vote for the person who was the best leader or the person most poised to better our country but instead for the person that benefitted their agenda. I mean in a sense you are supposed to, but as an 11 year old you have innocent faith that all adults do the right thing –no matter race, political affiliation or gender.

In many ways I feel like that 11 year old again. My peers are on Twitter having political parties bashing the candidates and other people. It brought me back to the place where I was frightened to see the people I looked up to totally against gay marriage or even recognizing them as equal people. It was now the same thing. But now these people were my friends, my peers, my coworkers and that lack of humanity withdrew me again.  

It’s an unforgiving space to be in to see some of my followers’ true colors on issues that affect people who look like me. So watching football for four hours eased those fears and gave me normalcy and the perception I had of some of my friends back.

But let me be clear, just because I have not watched a debate does not mean I am ill-informed on what is happening. The day after debates I usually read a few articles (trust me, reading what happened is probably just as painful as watching) highlighting what took place and the platforms for change each presidential hopeful presented. Usually there was no platform stated and the two took turns word socking one another. Nonetheless I try to stay educated and  support  and vote for the change I wish to see independent of others influences. This however doesn’t erase the fact that later in hours Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton will be our president.

It still doesn’t change the fact that I hate politics.

I am glad the slug campaigns the candidates launch against one another will be over. I will be most thankful to see my timeline return to other issues. I will try to erase seeing some of my friends support a candidate with a racist vendetta and I will be most glad to unhear the uncomfortable whispers in the office of who my colleagues support.

But most of all I am happy that I am blessed to vote and the election is coming to an end.

And no matter who wins, God Bless America, because they sholl ain’t Obama.  

 

-Melissa

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20Something’s Guide to Halloween Shopping

Halloween is my favorite time of the year! No, like really. I’m the friend who dresses up every year, refusing to ever repeat a costume. And don’t you dare choose the same character as me. But as I’ve gotten older and adulting has become a priority, this year’s Halloween preparation hasn’t been up to my usual standards. But I still manage to pull something off, and so can you.

During our first few years of adulting we’re still figuring out how to jungle our time, efforts, and of course, budget. So I made a quick guide of tips for finding the best costume during your twenties aka struggle years.

Photo cred: Cosplaying While Black

 

Timing is everything.

Choosing your costume early definitely has its perks – like not having to scour through the slim pickin’s or ending up with something you’re not crazy about, and not to mention the craziness of the costume stores on the days leading up to Halloween. But if you’re not as set on your costume then there are advantages to shopping at the last minute. If you’re going to take your chances and wait, REALLY wait. Literally shop within three days of Halloween because at this point everything will be marked down as stores do not want to be stuck with inventory.

Get the most bang for your buck.

I hate the cheap, flimsy material of actual costumes these days, especially since many costume stores sell them for $60 – a billion not-gonna-happen dollars. But I do tend to splurge as this is my favorite day but my philosophy is splurge with purpose. Why splurge on a generic costume that half the party is going to be wearing when you can have a one-of-a-kind piece? I admit handmade costumes can start at over$150 BUT what if I told you there’s a way around this too? Instead of ordering directly from a seamstress, buy a second-hand custom made costume. If someone went through the trouble of getting/or making a costume from scratch chances are they’re going to do the same thing this year and I’m sure they’ve take pretty good care of it. 

Be practical.

This one goes hand in hand with budgeting. If your funds won’t quite stretch enough to spend on something you’ll probably wear once, don’t worry Cinderella, you can still go to the ball. Instead of spending $50 on a costume, build a costume from pieces in your closet. Bodysuits and dresses are great for sexy costumes. Grab a $5 cat costume accessory kit from your local drugstore, dig into you MUA skills and you’re good to go! For extra chic flair, add your favorite faux fur jacket or vest for bunny or other furry animal costumes.

You can also use your wardrobe to build a costume that’s a little more creative. Portray your favorite movie or TV character, musician or even time period. Turn that sequin covered New Year’s Eve dress from last year into a disco diva or even a 1920’s flapper. The options are endless.

 

Designed on Polyvore.com by user Meyli-Meyli

Have fun!

Halloween is supposed to be fun. Choose a costume you love and feel comfortable in because no matter what you choose your confidence in it will assure you many compliments and so much fun.

Who are you going to be this Halloween? Follow and tell us on Twitter!

Oh, and no clown costumes – enough children have been terrorized this year.

-Minnie

Follow me on Instagram to see who I’ll be this year!

Dear Old Me

Hey miss thang!

You don’t know me yet, but I’m Minnie. You won’t meet me – well the older, finer, nail shop regular, version of yourself for another few years. Yea I said nail shop regular, oh and you spend just as much on heels and dresses as you would on sneakers.

But anyway, your 18th birthday and high school graduation are quickly approaching and as excited as your are, you’re also saddened by how fast it all went by and terrified at the thought that college may or may not be as good to you as high school was.

Welp, you’re right. Well, kinda. Your 2013 class won’t be the tight-knit group of friends like 2009 class was, everyone won’t know you and your crew- hell barely anyone will know you, your sneaker game will be no match for the silver spoon kids at the private institution you’re entering  and you damn sure won’t be graduating at the top of your class. You’ll barely skate by your core courses, living off the philosophy that C’s get degrees but you’ll feel better knowing you’re breezing through your major classes and you really are getting the education and experience you hoped for.

While we’re on the subject of school, as it will be your life for the next 4 years, I want to give you a few pointers so you get the most out of those years and leave with a lot less regrets:

1. Apply yourself. Yea you didn’t come from a fancy, private high school, but you can still compete with these kids. Don’t give up so easily.
2. Have fun but don’t let the many distractions steer you off your path, even for just a moment.
3. Try to make friends. Yes you have a ton of friends at home and yes, they are a lot different from these people, but isn’t that one of the reasons you chose a school so far from home?
4. It’s OK to be different. Embrace it, but don’t get so lost in your “differentness” that you become standoff-ish.
5. When you go home for breaks, spend time with your FAMILY – not just your friends.

After school, life may get a little bit dark, especially if you decide to skip out on number 1 above. But remember, it’s temporary. No one sails through life without ups and downs. When you feel like you’re at your lowest it only means go harder. Use those emotions creatively to push yourself to get off your ass and on your shit. Trust me, if you don’t, in a few very short years you’ll look back and wish you’d wasted less time moping and more time doing. You have so many passions and talents so don’t sit around and let them go to waste feeling sorry for yourself. So my tips to you for that early post-grad life are meant to set you up for greatness, sooner:

1. Stop fucking procrastinating! I know it’s hard sometimes and you’ll still be reminding yourself this at 25 but the sooner you work on breaking bad habits, the better.
2. Go for it. Literally, just shoot your shot. Yea you’ve went through a ton of phases -some stuck, some didn’t- but don’t let the ones you feel strongly about slip away.
3. Everything does not and will not be perfect. You will make mistakes, you will fail, and all your visions will not come to life exactly as you saw them but you will learn and evolve and so will your products.
4. Be you. The you-est you, you can be because that’s what people love you for and that’s what’s going to get you to your dreams faster, and honestly it just feels so much better knowing you are the only one who can do you.
5. Be patient. We all thought by 25 our lives would be that perfect vision of career success, family, and all around goals, but let me tell you- your twenties are your building years. Plus I’ve heard your thirties are really the shit so just work and wait on it!

Well I know you’re busy so I won’t hold you much longer, but remember you’ll always be a work in progress. You’ll constantly be growing and changing throughout life but the important part is trying your hardest to make sure you’re changing for the better. You’re 25 now and I’d say you’re headed in the right direction.

Love,

Minnie

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When Anxiety Attacks

When I was younger my mom used to always tell me what happens in the house stays in the house. I didn’t necessarily agree but I respected it for the most part. She was a private woman and didn’t like many people in her business–she thought the less people knew the better quality of life you lead.

For a moment she was right, but as I got older and started experiencing the world I realized she was wrong.

I had my first anxiety attack when I was 23. My heart started racing and my palms got all clammy. I put my two fingers on my neck to check my pulse, making sure I wasn’t having a heart attack or something. As I felt myself fainting I tried to find the nearest police officer on the platform. I knew I needed medical attention immediately. But what I really needed was fresh air, a few deep breaths and positive reinforcement.  

I was ok.
I’ve had about five anxiety attacks since then, not all as severe luckily. It wasn’t until I started having anxiety attacks more frequently after I moved that I realized keeping everything inside and praying wouldn’t do anything for me if I didn’t take the initiative to do something for myself.

So I decided to seek counseling.

No, there isn’t anything seriously wrong with me But like most people in our generation I think I am super woman, that I should be engaged, in the job that I desire at the beginning of my young career and overall…. perfect. But I have no idea what this idea of perfection is that I am striving for, or why perfection is an end goal. I constantly battle with being thankful I am in a great position versus wondering why I’m not in a better position when in reality I need to calm down and realize again I am only 23 and there are grown ass people fretting over the same issues but have no drive to fix them.

It may seem like I’m incredibly in tune with myself, and  for the most part I am but I think the source of my anxiety is I am too hard on myself. However, I don’t have the answers, so this time I will steer clear of mamas advice and seek the answers to my question my spilling my guts on some ladies couch in a counseling session. Stay tuned!

-Melissa

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